Two
This morning I went for a run.
The sun was coming up, and a brisk wind whipped my face & hands as I ran along the river. I rounded the bend under the bridge and started up the hill into town.
As I reached the outskirts near the courthouse, I saw him.
He was still wearing his work clothes from yesterday, the boots and overalls of a working man. He stumbled along with the gait and posture of someone who hadn't seen a bed all night. He had been drinking. It seemed he was still drunk.
Look at me. Look at him.
Look at me look at him.
No words exchanged.
What was that look?
Confusion first (and last), but then?
Pride? Empathy? Disdain? Compassion?
I felt proud. Proud to be the one (between the two of us) who is making good choices for me, my future, and my family.
And, I’ll admit, in this scenario, the pride is comes with disdain.
It’s hard not to look down on the drunk stumbling down Broadway at 6:00 a. m.
• • •
I started my second loop.
I don't think I would have thought about him again had I not seen him again 15 minutes later.
Same spot. Hunched over a pool of last nights dinner.
Look at him. Look at me.
Look at him look at me.
Whats that look in his eyes?
He’s doesn’t seem confused.
Grief? Self-Loathing?
Why is he smiling?
Pride.
He is proud of who he is. He's happy to be drunk. He might need my compassion and empathy, but he doesn't want it. At least he doesn't know that he wants it.
He is drunk. And happy. And feeling even better now that he has unloaded on the sidewalk.
• • •
I have been there. Maybe you have too. Drunk on something - alcohol or otherwise.
Something that takes our mind off the big picture. Off the disappointments of yesterday, the looming unknowns of tomorrow, and the responsibilities of today.
We can be up all night enjoying our tunnel of chosen happiness. We see the grey light of dawn, and we’re still caught up in our dreams.
We pass by someone who is absorbed in their own happiness.
We grin. They look miserable.
They grin. We look miserable.
Which is better?
Not tomorrow, now, today.